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Written by Kirstin Stokes Smith | For many of us, the harshest critic in our lives is the person in the mirror. We tell ourselves we’ll finally be happy if we lose weight, exercise more, or achieve higher status in our jobs. If, if, if…
Often the accomplishments we’re the most proud of are the ones we’ve worked the hardest to attain. Many of us believe that the harsh critic is the reason for our success. We may have considered a gentler, more loving approach to goal setting, but many of us aren’t comfortable taking that leap of faith.
What if we decided to love ourselves as we are, right here and now? When we decide to value ourselves as we are, we’re less dependent on other people for validation. As an added bonus, when we love and respect ourselves unconditionally, it’s easier to see when other people aren’t treating us well.
Here are some tips to help you make the transition to a happier, more loving, you:
Document your love.
Keep a journal and record the things you love about yourself and the reasons why you do.
Stop criticising others.
Part of silencing our inner critic involves keeping her (or him) quiet all the time. Be patient with yourself and others.
Throw away your scale.
Become more reliant on how you feel in your body to define how you feel about yourself, rather than a number.
Make a daily gratitude list.
Before bed take a few minutes to meditate on five things that you’re grateful for – it’ll help you sleep better too.
According to Margaret Paul, Ph.D. there are nine key ways to love yourself. Here are the top three from her list:
Listen to what your feelings are telling you.
“All feelings are informational,” and painful feelings alert us that we are abandoning in ourselves.
Surround yourself with loving and supportive people.
Paul says we can’t always control who we work with, but we can choose our friends, as well as the family we’ll spend time with.
Seek employment and activities that you love.
Rather than forcing yourself to stay in an unsatisfying situation, find employment and activities that reinforce your positive sense of self.
And remember these quotes from Mind Body Green:
- “Always accept and feel comfortable with your flaws, that way no one can ever use them against you.” – Unknown
- “It’s not your job to like me – it’s mine.” – Byron Katie
- “The love you seek is seeking you at this moment.” – Deepak Chopra
- “You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” – Wayne Dyer
- “Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it.” – Thaddeus Golas