Written by Jessica May | It’s an age-old problem. You break up with someone but after time has passed, you begin to wonder why you never worked out in the first place. You question your decision to break up with him and wonder if you made a mistake. Before you make the decision to get back together, you have to ask yourself all the right questions. There’s no escaping them, because how you answer these questions will determine your relationship’s success the second time around.
1. What has changed?
This is probably the most important question of all. If you broke up, it must have been for a reason. What were the problems that you had when you were together? Have these problems changed since? For example, if you broke up with your ex because of distance and he has recently moved into your area, it might be worth giving the relationship a try. If you broke up because you had nothing in common with him, it’s probably best to just stay friends (unless, of course, he magically develops a genuine interest in some of your life’s passions).
2. Did you have enough time to get over him?
It can take quite a while to get over an ex. The character Charlotte from Sex in the City once said, “It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over that person.” Consider if you have given yourself enough time to truly get over your ex. There is a big difference between missing someone and being ready for a relationship. Give yourself time to cry it out and reflect on what you want in your future. Remember, your perfect man may still be out there!
3. Do you want to get back together with him because you truly think things can work or because you just want to be in a relationship again?
Sometimes we just miss the idea of a relationship and not the actual person. Companionship is nice. Who doesn’t want to have someone to share their life with? However, things get more complicated if you get back with your ex just because you want to be with someone. Wait until you find someone whom you truly are compatible with, not just someone who you can understand easily.
4. Why did you break up the first time?
Was it a heat of the moment decision or was it well thought out? Chances are if you broke up the first time, there was a good reason for it. Unless something major has changed, you’re just going to repeat the past again. However, if you broke up over something silly and you believe something that trivial won’t bother you again, the relationship might be worth another try.
5. What has to change for things to work?
When you’re getting back with an ex, both of you will have to make some compromises to make things work. You need to be clear about what changes you are willing to make and that he knows what you want to change. Communication is key to rekindling an old relationship. Make sure you are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to work things out. These sacrifices may be huge; if this is the case, consider if he’s worth it.
What do you think about rekindling an old romance? When can it work? When can it never work? Let us know in the comments below!